MOTHRA

by

Gary Cadwallader

"A moth flew in my ear."

"What?"

My eye is twitching because the moth is still alive and his wings are beating against my eardrum. All I can hear is brrruuuummm!

"Moth. Moth. Moth!" I point to my ear. I have no idea how loud I'm talking.

My wife looks at me like I'm crazy. "Moth?"

I nod then do a spider dance across the kitchen. The middle of my head is itching. She starts to believe me when I stick my head under the faucet trying to drown the damn thing. Water runs down my face, but very little goes in my ear. What does, comes gushing back out and I think I just pissed him off.

"It won't come out." I retreat from the sink, turn my head over and start pounding on the other ear like I expect something to fall out on the linoleum.

"Hold still," my wife says. She's got me in a headlock now. I'm all wet and shivering like a little dog.

"I can't get it," she says.

All I hear is "Bruummm, caBRUM, brumm, Brummit." I run outside and start banging my head against a tree. I'm doing it sideways like an elephant.

My wife grabs me by the back of the collar and hauls me to the car. "Emergency Room," she mouths.

I mouth back, "Okay."

"What?"

"OKAY!" I scream.

When we get to the ER there's a Japanese doctor on call. From they way the wife is talking with her hands, I get the idea he's just visiting. They've got me sitting up on a gurney and my legs won't keep still.

"Moth in my ear!" I jump down and shove the side of my head into his face. I've got one hand pulling the ear up and the other hand pulling it down. It doesn't seem to be working.

"Mothra?"

"Yes," I say. "Get it. Get it. Get it." I scramble back to the gurney and somehow end up face down with my butt in the air.

My wife starts laughing so hard she bends over at the waist. A nurse comes in and whacks her in the head with the door. They decide my wife needs stitches and I'll have to wait, but they give me some calm-down juice first, right in the butt.

The next thing I remember, some woman is hovering over me - floating really - and she has a white bandage on her head. She's so lovely.

"How are you doing?" she asks.

What do I know?

All I see is this heroic Japanese guy in a white tuxedo dancing slo-mo with the lovely lady whose bandage has turned into a tiara. Under an enormous spotlight, with a snow white backdrop, he presents her with a gray corsage. It has two velvety, fluttering petals. It is a mystery to me why he's holding it for her with really pointy tongs, but all I hear is joyful silence.

§ § §

Gary Cadwallader lives inside a tunnel under the Mall of America. He's real busy there making ART out of Elmer's Glue and cardboard. So far, "The History of Nova Scotia In Cardboard" is 38% complete. If you absolutely must interrupt this important project, you can email him at rmcheal2@aol.com .

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